grief

31: Dr. Jen Esquer – It Starts Within – Building Strength through Infidelity

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Pain x Resistance = Suffering

In life, things happen around us, and things happen to us. The only thing that truly matters is your choice of how you respond to it.  You can learn, adapt, and choose to make the best of each experience. Pain is inevitable  and inescapable, but suffering is optional. 

Emotional progress is made through confronting grief, pain, and calamity. Instead of avoiding the painful events of life, face them squarely and lean into them. By facing the realities of death, loss, and disappointment, you free yourself of illusions and false hopes and learn your truth.  

Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our inner strength. An opportunity to practice your growth.  Like core stability, it starts from within.  Regardless of our trials, we all possess incredible strength. We have strength we don’t even realize we have. Its not other people that heal us…its you. Happiness does not depend on external sources.  You are your own souls doctor. This episode will help guide you.

My special guest is Dr. Jen Esquer. She is a Doctor of Physical Therapy, creator of The Mobility Method and The Optimal Body. Recently, Jen announced via her Instagram that she walked away from manipulation, infidelity, and an unfaithful relationship.  This emotional violation prompted her to have the courage to share her truth. To be a voice in this space for others who feel like they don’t have one.  To fight/heal for herself and others. To recognize that Vulnerability is Strength.  

This episode is not about what happened to her.  It’s about her inner strength and decision to inspire in the face of emotional adversity.

I’m proud to be part of her journey,

Scott

Thank you for your precious commodity… your attention. If you like the show, please rate and review us on iTunes and share on social media!

SHOW NOTES:

Intro: Potatoes, Eggs, and Coffee Beans

4:45 Jen’s Mission: To HEAL the world the best way she can, and that is through empowering you to learn how to heal yourself!

9:20  Core Stability – The first step towards regulating your emotions is stabilizing your emotions.

11:08  Awareness of the body helps detect where you have been neglecting.  

12:45  You cannot change the past, but by choosing to forgive you open up your possibilities for the future. -SM

14:30  What you resists, persists.        Pain x Resistance = Suffering

18:00  The only cure for grief is grieving. 

20:00  Revisiting infidelity – Owning the high road

30:41  I am just choosing to align myself with the values and the morals that I appreciate and I admire and the people that are going to uphold those same kind of values.

31:00  The Instagram announcement 

31:24-32:03*  I am so determined to be a voice in this space for people who don’t feel they have a voice and that is my want, my drive, my power behind this is truly coming from this place of wanting to help… and rise as one.

37:17  The hindsight of the relationship – Clues and Signs

49:00  The 7 wonders of the world – Gratitude 

53:30  What is it about you that you are not listening to.  Ownership.

55:00  The 5 Stages of Grief.  Dr. Kübler-Ross

58:08  Denial (and shock)

1:01:10  Anger (pain/guilt)

1:14:00  Bargaining 

1:17:19  Depression (reflection)

1:24:20  Acceptance (upward turn/hope)

1:38:20  A promise about ads – State and Liberty

Links:

DocJenFit.com  TheSisuWay.com 

@docjenfit   @themobilitymethod  @1scottmcgee   @thesisuway

26: Mary Beth LaRue – Creating Room for Embracing Vulnerability & Love

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We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. – Pema Chödrön

Mary Beth Larue’s professional passion is teaching yoga, meditation, mentoring and writing. She is the co-founder of the movement, Rock Your Bliss.  But it’s her soulful journey as a foster mom that has exposed her to wholehearted love and presence. For the past eleven months, she and her husband (7: Matt Aporta – Fostering Love) have fostered-to-adopt a beautiful little baby boy. They have opened themselves to the continually changing, dynamic nature of of vulnerability with a brutally exposed open and full heart. They have accepted that people might be temporary in your life, but that is not in your control.  What is in your control is the deliberate and passionate love shared in the moment, everyday.

Mary Beth is not who she is because she fosters. She fosters because of who she is.  Through the darkness, she has learned to focus on the light. She has learned to hold herself accountable for her thoughts, because they create her reality.  She has conversations full of possibilities, love and vulnerability. Her focus is on the now. Owning our story is hard, but not as difficult as running from it.  That strength, that vulnerability, privilege,and love, is what this episode is about.

SHOW NOTES:

Intro: Pema Chodron – When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times.

6:40  How to slow down. The moment is enough.

13:00  How to shine light on yourself in the darkness.

14:00  Relationship with Social Media – Perspective

27:00  What to do when starting to feel down.

29:03*  Holding myself accountable for thoughts that I’m thinking and whats coming out of my mouth because its creating my whole reality. I get to have conversations full of possibilities. Where as before I was having conversations with a giant stop sign.

29:47  A warrior is skilled in action and non-action. Vulnerability is Strength. The strength to allow yourself to feel.

35:00  The identity and transition in becoming a mom.

Fostering Baby A

47:00  Seeking the light in the face of loss.

48:53*  I’m different now because we’re willing to put ourselves in the fire. I want my heart to be all used up. I want ever inch of my heart and my spirit to have been used and grown and transformed because whats the point otherwise.

We get the privilege of making an impact in a child’s life, but mainly get the privilege of this child making a massive impact in our life.

58:20  How to become more self-aware so you can self-regulate.

1:07:50  Grief and Emotion is love. How to learn from kids.

1:14:20  Solitude is a super power. Micro Meditation.

1:18:00  The Yoga Room

1:22:30  Meditation and Breath work – It makes you kinder.

Mantras: Be fully present. Feel your heart. Engage in the next moment without any agenda.

1:35:03  What has yoga taught you? Being present. Finding peace in the chaos.

1:41:26  A letter from her husband. Gratitude, Intention, Love

LINKS:

MaryBethLarue.com     RockYourBlissMovement.com    TheSisuWay.com

SOCIAL MEDIA:

@marybethlarue  @rockyourbliss  @1scottmcgee  @TheSisuWay

22: Kenny Kane – A Path of Joy, Suffering, & Effort.

/ Scott McGee / 1 Comment

 

The Sisu Way is defined as strength and determination in the face of adversity. Persistence. Hope. GRIT. An unbeatable mindset full of courage, tenacity, resilience, willpower, triumph, and an unconquerable soul. They say the finest souls are those who gulped pain and avoided making others taste it.  Well ladies and gentlemen, that is my brother and esteemed guest, Kenny Kane. 

Kenny Kane is lighthouse to many of us, but even lighthouses have shadows.  If strength is a product of suffering and struggle, then Kenny is by far one of the strongest people I know.  He has faced a massive amount emotional trauma and death packed on top of each other.  He was force fed a beautifully violent lesson in the balance of life and death.  In the face of this much pain and chaos, how do you do the most good?  How can we use our resources to be in service to something greater than ourselves?

If there is a lesson I have learned from late world-class Coach Marion Kane Elston through her son Kenny, it is you have to be willing to get up strong each and every time without complaint.  You have to put in the effort and open yourself up to the experience, or the time won’t come.

This episode was an honor for me record, but the real honor was the vulnerable and heartfelt conversation.  Kenny is one of the best humans I know. I’m proud to call him my friend and a mentor.  This episode is dedicated to the Kane family.

Get Up Strong.

Humbly,

Scott McGee

Show Notes:

Three Marbles – W.E. Peterson

5:00  Oak Park LA Bio and intro

10:44 Introduction to hosting podcasts

14:00 First Question – There is no elegant answer.  It’s complicated. It’s a journey.

15:30  Birth of son followed by death of mom

Challenges outpacing capabilities

21:55  Pillars of Good and Pillars of Strength have shadows

23:22  Most valuable currency – Ability to Connect

25:20  Leaving a Legacy – Kane Family

37:00  Story of Effort – If you don’t open yourself up to experience, the time wont come.

41:35  What is it about your mom that you would want your kids to know?  Her willingness to get up every single time without complaint. What it means to be a Kane. Grit.

41:15  Revisiting the struggle of life and death

51:20  History of stand up comedy career and intention

52:50  Where are you finding resilience while doing the most good?

53:30*  Purpose

57:30  12 more deaths over 14 more months – intense cadence

1:00:20  How do you do the most good when faced with only right and wrong answers?

Are your actions contributing to the joy of the world or the misery?

Sacrifice Rejected

1:08:00  Talia

1:12:50  Justine – The silent walk – The 7 year old leader

1:20:08  VUCA – The world is volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous

1:21:10  The wildfires – Original Oak Park

1:29:30  Navy Commander Schultze band reference of vision, reality, and truth.

1:43:00 The passing of the torch – Becoming the patriarch

1:46:26  Slow down to move fast. Grinding, enduring, grit, and the shadows.

1:48:40  Attention and purpose – profession and family

1:54:20  (extra credit) Social Media and mind control

1:59:20  Student/Magician named Tristan Harris – Attention Economy – impressions and screen time – Time Well Spent

2:28:40  Restoration through fitness, breath work, writing everyday, therapy, and patience. Being okay with the scars and path.

Links:

The Sisu Way Team for Whole Life Challenge

Body of Knowledge  Oak Park LA

TED Talk – Tristan Harris

kenny@oakparkla.com

The Sisu Way

17: Dan “Nitro” Clark – Death Lessons

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Dan “Nitro” Clark is a American Gladiator, TEDx Speaker, Writer, Happiness Seeker, & Gratitude Practicer, who is committed to serving others.  Dan’s path was one of suffering and trauma, but he grew into someone who set out to burn bright, or die trying. 

In this episode we learn about his past struggles, how culture taught him “big boys don’t cry,” how losing his brother created the person he has become, how sports has defined him, and how cheating death kicked his ass into loving, learning, and living his best life.

We discuss how to master the art of living a happy, fulfilled, and meaningful life worth living. 

Show Notes:

Why are you alive?  To be of service.  Live – Love -Feel

4:58  Losing brother created the person he became.

“We tie our happiness to what we achieve and we achieve in order to achieve, but that happiness is short lived.” “Happily achieve instead of achieving to be happy.”

9:20  Don’t chase gratification.  Chase Gratitude.

11:00  How Dan was culturally taught not to cry or show emotion. Big boys don’t cry.

14:00  Sports filled a hole, a chance to hide.

Visualization and the power of the mind. 

18:35  Morning routine. Key to life is being in right state.

*25:54  “Anything thats good in my life came through the dedication of self improvement and personal growth.”

Service to others.

30:00  Why are you alive?

**32:50  “Sports taught me about life, but almost dying taught me how to live.”

33:20  Health is Wealth – The ability to walk.  What are your stairs?

Gratitude Practice – Ka ching!

43:44  Vulnerability is Strength – “The vulnerability in me gives the light a chance to shine.”

49:00  Strength is a Choice

49:59  Smiling Practice – The ripple effect of happiness.

Dali Lami: “In every human interaction we have, we have a choice to make that person happier or less happy.”

54:20  Upstream Reciprocity

Relationships and Conflict Resolution.  Seek to understand, then to be understood.

1:02:50  What does surrender mean?  “Even though I was having a heart attack and dying… When I surrendered, I felt a deep sense and profound sense of peace.”

Meditation and breathing for overall health and well being.

The Wim Hof Method

“Life is not lost by dying. Life is lost minute by minute, day by day, by not really living.”

Time isn’t guaranteed. Live each moment fully.

Books:

F Dying – Dan Clark

Gladiator – Dan Clark

The Warrior and the Monk – Greg Amundson

Psycho Cybernetics – Maxwell Maltz

The Beauty of a Darker Soul – Joshua Mantz

Social Media and Websites:

@DanNitroClark  @1ScottMcGee  @TheSisuWay

TheSisuWay.com 

13: Keep Swimming – An Episode on Grief

/ Scott McGee / 1 Comment

The most beautiful people are those that have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have still found their way out of the depths.

These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.

Beautiful people do not just happen.  –  Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Grief comes in waves.  It can feel like you have been wrecked by wave after wave, all the while trying to cling onto some piece of the beautiful ship you used to and planned to have.  At first all you can do is try to stay afloat while sipping on air during the short stay on the surface. Eventually, maybe (just maybe) with the help of this podcast episode and what I want to share with you (because it was shared with me), you will learn that you can choose to function… and keep swimming. 

Life is not a guarantee nor is it a right.  We are here temporarily on this planet.  We are the lucky ones that get to experience the ride of life.  Parts of the ride can hurt, but those moments create character and strength.  Progress is made through holding up your shield, grabbing the shipwreck, confronting the painful events, looking at them squarely and facing the realities of loss, death, or disappointments. Be proud of the pain, feel the pain because you can, be proud of your scars.  Vulnerability is Strength.  Those scars, those strike marks are the battle wounds of life that make us who we are.  (That is why The Sisu Way logo has strike marks and scratches in it.)  We are the lucky ones who have the ability….the gift to hurt.

Here is the full post on Reddit by the user GSnow when asked for advice on how to deal with the grief and the loss of a loved one.  It helped me when I needed it, hopefully it helps you and/or someone you know:

[Serious] How do you cope with the passing of someone you are close to? from AskReddit

Get up strong,

Scott McGee

The Sisu Way